If you are married, how closely did you read the Nikah Nama before signing it?
Some time last summer my fiance decided that time had come for us to tie the knot. I was excited. So excited that I hastily agreed to do the Nikah (Katb-e-Kitaab, as levant Arabs call it) within the next few weeks. I called my trusted friend, Adil, for his advice on where to find a good scholar/Imam for the Nikah, esp someone who might be familiar with Arabic language because my wife happens to be a Palestinian. He, as always, had an excellent recommendation.
During this process is when I actually read a Nikah Nama for the first time in my life and realized that it was missing some of the key provisions that my fiance and I had discussed earlier and wanted to be included. For example, we realized that there was no provision in the agreement for a woman’s right to ask for divorce. Secondly, there was no detailed discussions of the different types of Haq Mehr, except for the very minimum required at the time of marriage. Finally, there was no discussion on how our assets would get divided in the case of a divorce, or separation.
I discussed these terms, and our mutual agreement on them, with my parents. Let me tell you it was an uncomfortable discussion. Initially, they seemed horrified that my fiance and I were discussing divorce issues even before marriage! Then their reaction turned to fear – that their son was signing his life and his possessions away without proper legal counsel. But somehow they budged. Next came the discussions with the Imam. That also took some serious convincing but he was a learned man with patience. He eventually agreed to add those terms which essentially protected my wife’s rights, though warned us that despite our Nikah agreement some of those provisions would not hold in many Muslim states, such as Saudi Arabia.
So why am I reminded of this now? No, not because it has been a year already and I am regretting all that I signed away :). But because I read in the Daily Times that the problems with Nikah Nama are confronting Pakistani couples regularly as they enter unto wedlock. The problem, of course, has greater ramifications for the bride than the groom, but in either case, this is a serious religious and legal issue. Here’s what is reported:
A large number of nikkah namas (forms declaring a man and woman husband and wife) prepared in Karachi at least if not the rest of the country are incomplete because seven out of 28 paragraphs are excluded, Daily Times has learnt.
The omitted paragraphs run from Nos. 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 and 28 and pertain to the woman’s rights in a marriage.
Paragraph No. 16 deals with Haq Mehr, or the amount of money that a husband is required, by the Shariah and Pakistani law, to pay his wife if their marriage ends. Any other property given instead by the woman or man must be declared on the forms.
Paragraph No. 17 says that any special terms and conditions that the woman or the man puts forward should be mentioned independently. Paragraph No. 18 details the basis on which the man has allowed his wife to demand a divorce from him. These sections are, however, usually crossed out by clerics or nikkah khwans, which means that in these cases the woman is not given her right to demand divorce or to declare it herself.
Nearly 25% of the Nikah Nama is missing. This is unbelievable! Clearly such changes are not officially sanctioned by the state but there are severe problems implementing the state’s writ. Marriage registrars have considerable freedom, it seems, when it comes to this business:
The authorities have taken a stab at tackling this problem but it appears not to be high priority. The city government has formed Maslihati Anjuman and Insaaf Committees at the Union Council and town levels. It is said in Paragraph No. 21 that if a man is already married then he needs a certificate from the Maslihati Anjuman but the city government keeps manual records instead of computerised ones which makes the process of checking next to impossible.
Assuming that this is being done intentionally by selected Khateebs, I consider it a criminal act on their part. The official Nikah Nama is being modified by the Imams/Moulvis/Khateebs/Registrars without the permission of the marrying couple, and important provisions that protect the wife are selectively being removed without informing the couple. Add to this the fact that quite often these Nikah Namas are not read in that much detail, and in the absence of full information, brides usually don’t even know what might be missing. One does not have to search hard to find cases where at least one member of a family has suffered because they were not told about, and not given their full due rights in marriage.
While clearly something must be done about this selective changes in the Nikah Nama, we also need education in the society regarding the meaning of a Nikah, the rights and privileges accorded in such and agreement, and how the laws of Pakistani are technically setup to protect those provisions. In the meantime, do check what your own Nikah Nama says…
Adonis:
And, what benefit would there be to the wife who initiates such a complaint in a society where there is no support structure to assist her in surviving as a now single/divorced woman and she would be ostricized by the community and her own family most times even for ridding herself of a husband who violated their marriage contract? And, how does this law help a wife retain her honor? Regardless, women in this situation are treated like nothing more than throw-a-ways. Where is the humanity or honor or dignity or respect in that?
This is why I said that this law is not enough to discourage husbands from violating the Nikah agreement or Law as it exists requiring an application to the union council to begin with and likewise does not encourage wives who have been violated to file complaints. A man can agree to monogamy in the beginning but in the end he does not have to honor his agreement and he also knows the chances of his 1st wife lodging a complaint is almost nil because of the social repicussions.
I believe that if the law is changed to nullify/void 2nd, 3rd, th marriages where an application to the Union Council was not made then perhaps husbands, subsequent wives and their families might not simply ignore this law requiring application to engage in polygamy any more. Truly, the lack thereof is nothing short of blatant disrespect to the first wife by all concerned. Hence, 2nd, 3rd, 4th wives and their families who agree, encourage or force them into polygamous marriages without regard for currently existing wives or insuring an application has been made to the council are just as much to blame in continuing the dishonoring of women in Pakistan. They might think twice about not requiring an application if they thought their marriage would be null & void by not doing. While they might not give a 2nd thought to dishonoring 1st wives, I’m certain they would think twice before dishonoring themselves or their daughters.
To the best of my knowledge, the application requesting the right to enter into polygamy does not require the 1st or current wives permission, it only requires that she/they have knowledge of husband’s intent to take another wife beforehand. I’m certain that she can tell the union if she agrees or not but I seriously doubt that they will give much weight to her opinion if it differs from the desires of her husband.
The law as it stands requiring a man to request approval of the union council before engaging in polygamy and possible punishment is to women like offering a cracker to a starving child. It simply does not protect women or the rights of wives nor does it do anything to protect their honor. Nullifying additional marriages that were done without permission of the council will help to ensure that this does not happen and also that all women will be treated honorably.
AishaBashir,
The law in Pakistan gives one year imprisonment to the man who marries again without the consent of his first wife. But that can happen only if the first wife lodges a complain. So the onus is on the first wife. Law gives ample protection to women but women themselves have to take the initiative to take the legal course.
i m indian and i engaged with pakistani lady we are working here in saudi arabia and we already engaged here before one week now we want to marry here
but our parents are not agree at all
but we will marry insha allah
please guide us about process of marriage in saudi arabia
Another example of how women’s rights are violated! First of all, trust no one and read the fine print before agreeing to any contract. If you don’t, you are screwed and have no one to blame but yourself.
There should be a national understanding and laws regarding what rights to husband and wife automatically exist when they enter into any marriage contract. Additonal things desired by the couple should be added like the amount of dowry (I think this is an insult to women reducing them to the level of property to be bartered for) distribution of assets, etc in the event of a divorce should be added for protection for those who enter into a marriage with a lot of pre-marriage assets…the division can vary depending on the reason for divorce (then again it will simply be the woman’s word against the man’s and who really believes a woman?).
Regardless if it is in the Nikah or not, women have a right to ask for a divorce though it cannot compare to the ease in which a man can divorce his wife. Negative social & financial implications also make it almost unbearable for a woman who wishes to divorce her husband. Society makes it very difficult in many ways for a woman to ask for a divorce as there is no enforced support system in place.
Is the Nikah even worth the paper it is written on? Let’s say the Nikah agreement stipulated that your husband must remain monogamous and not take add’l wives (Polygamy is a growing trend in Pakistan these days). Islamic law is clear that under the Nikah agreement the wife can request a divorce if her husband violates the Nikah agreement regarding polygamy without much problem legally and Islamically. However, why should that be her only recourse? Why is the wife being punished for her husband violating their agreement while he walks away completely unscathed as if he did nothing wrong? Sure Pakistan says that a man wishing to engage in polygamy must request permission from the council and his 1st wife should be notified as well and her opionion on the matter taken into consideration by the council; but, who does this? What men actually request permission from the council to take add’l wives and can show that they meet the Islamic qualifications required for having multiple wives? They can’t and therefore they don’t.
Secondly, where is the Imaam’s responsibility who does the Nikah agreement for the 2nd marriage when he knows that the man already has a wife and hasn’t petitioned to the council to take add’l wives? Indeed shouldn’t a pre-requisite be that the man show proof that he petitioned and was granted permission, that any previous wives were notified and that he meets the Islamic Qualifications before entering into a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th marriage? Again, no consideration is given to the woman and her rights regardless of a Nikah agreement.
I believe that there should be a heavy fine paid to the victim (wife in this case) by those who violate a contract…be it all who were involved with violating her rights…be it the Imaam, the husband, and/or anyone who might have coherced the violation to take place. Maybe then Pakistan will begin to take women’s rights seriously. There is not much in place legally to oversee, enforce and/or protect women and their rights. Women are still continually being oppressed in Pakistan and not given the same considerations given to men. They are treated like fools with little or no value and society and the gov’t simply does not care.
I was in the position of being the only person in my family who understood the nikah nama – and the bride. My husband is a gora, so he respected the natives’ opinion and their proceedings. At the time of the nikah, the maulvi started arguing with my father and an older cousin about how a delayed mehr had been included (dh didn’t have ready cash, so we took the delayed option). My father and brother looked around in confusion, ready to agree with the maulvi saheb. When I, festooned with motiya flowers (but in the same room) interrupted and persuaded the maulvi that it was a non-issue, he decided he did not like me.
He proceeded not to even ASK for my ijab. Yes, he asked the groom for his assent, and then said okay then, with the permission of the bride, I now pronounce you … I was furious, but nikahs are not a good place to create a scene.
As for the masjid maulvi who dealt with the paperwork, he was quite happy to discuss and fill in the nikah nama with me in advance. Talaq tafweed (I was invested with the right to divorce unilaterally), no polygamy – you bet I got it all in there.