Kala Kola Klub

Posted on June 22, 2008
Filed Under >Mast Qalandar, Humor, People
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Mast Qalandar

Kala Kola Hair TonicWhat is common between President Pervez Musharraf, Imran Khan, Sheikh Rashid Ahmed, Chaudhry Shujaat Hussain and Iftikhar Muhammad Chaudhry?” Even a schoolboy knows the answer: They are all members of the Kala Kola Klub.

So writes Khalid Hasan in a delightful column last week in Daily Times.

Khalid Hasan has a knack of coining interesting names – Kala Kola Klub – which are not only descriptive but also stick. (If you didn’t know, he also coined the name ‘Shortcut’ for you know who.)

Kala Kola Klub of PakistanKala Kola Klub of PakistanKala Kola Klub of PakistanKala Kola Klub of PakistanKala Kola Klub of PakistanKala Kola Klub of PakistanKala Kola Klub of PakistanKala Kola Klub of Pakistan
Kala Kola, as most Pakistani would know, is not a beverage as the name might suggest but one of the oldest brands of black hair dyes in Pakistan.

In his column, Khalid Hasan also revealed that Imran Khan not only dyes his hair but also had a hair implant job done lately. No wonder, his hair looks a lot thicker than it did a few years ago. Well, if you thought it was only the Sharif brothers who made good use of their time and money while abroad, think again.

It so happens that most men nowadays, when they reach their 50s or even before, particularly those we see on TV talk shows – the guests as well as the hosts – have their hair dyed. Some have theirs done professionally while most of them do it themselves in the privacy of their homes using whatever in-house help is available.

Let me state upfront, though, that it is none of my business nor should it be anyone else’s if Pervez Musharraf, Imran Khan, Altaf Bhai, Asif Zardari or any other person dyes his hair in whatever color he chooses. It is their hair and their heads – and their money. (I believe hair implants can cost a lot.)

But, as someone said, it’s the idea of one’s leader sitting in a hairdressing salon, wearing one of those flowered waterproof smocks, their heads covered with that gooey stuff – that picture doesn’t quite tie in with the powerful statesman image.

I wonder if it is the proliferation of electronic media that has made these men with dyed hair more visible than they were in the past or is it a growing new trend? Or, is it a bad job of dyeing they generally do that makes them look so conspicuous?

Someone remarked the other day that in spite of faltering economy of the country Kala Kola (or its equivalents) seem to be doing a roaring business in Pakistan and so is the business of salons. This statement may have been made jokingly, but there must be some truth to it for even a serious newspaper like Los Angles Times took note of this “gooey” business in a recent report titled ‘Pakistani men sitting pretty’ filed by its staff reporter, Laura King, from Islamabad. The report talked about the growing number of prominent Pakistani men flocking to salons for dye jobs and other facial and hair treatments.

Pervez Musharraf, because of his high profile, is the most conspicuous member of the Kal Kola Klub. (He is not much seen on TV nowadays.) He dyes his hair very carefully, in two tones, white at the temples and black or brown at the top. Some say, he chooses the shade of his hair depending on the occasion and his mood. If he felt pleased and playful he would dye it a shade of brown, and blow-dry it to give it a tousled look. But when under stress, he would use a darker shade. The grimmer the mood the darker the shade.

A peculiar trait of men is that they are very sensitive about their hair. They would discuss everything among themselves – their clothes, their weight, their ailments, and even their affairs, but rarely their hair. “Unfortunately”, says an expert, “because men are so sensitive about their hair … they can’t ask for advice in the way women do quite openly. Thus, where gray hair is concerned, many men will be tempted to dye it at home, in secret, in a color that they think will work but rarely does. And because men don’t talk about hair, they don’t say anything when another man gets it wrong, and the circle of silence continues.”

Incidentally, this sensitivity about hair is not limited to any particular nationality. It is universal. In 2002 the then German chancellor, Gerhard Schröder, otherwise reported to be quite a laid-back politician, sued a news agency for simply implying that he dyed his hair. A testament from his hairdresser was even read out in court to support him.

The other day, flipping through old magazines while waiting my turn at a barber’s shop here in New York (I had gone for a plain hair cut), I came across an interesting article by a woman writer, a fashion expert, that had some advice and tips that the existing and potential hair dyers may find useful. Here is what it said:

Men can look hotter as they age, and natural white streaks in black hair are very attractive on men. (So, why use a camouflage?)

If you must dye, just make sure it looks natural. Obvious dye jobs that resemble someone slathering their head with black shoe polish are a far bigger turnoff than gray hair. (Have you seen Chaudhry Pervez Elahi lately?). And, by the way, a bad toupee is a deal breaker!

Use a shade very similar to your natural color.

Rub Vaseline along your skin at the hairline and especially your ears and neck. This keeps the dye from staining your skin.

READ THE DIRECTIONS CAREFULLY, which come with the dye, and use the gloves!

34 Comments on “Kala Kola Klub”

  1. ShahidnUSA says:
    June 22nd, 2008 8:25 pm

    “The grimmer the mood the darker the shade” LOL!
    Means more consumption of Kala Kola, hence good for the economy.
    Nothing wrong in looking good but is in the eye of the beholder.
    Natural good looks always help but making it look even better is even better.
    No need to look hideous. Consultation is recomended.

  2. Eidee Man says:
    June 22nd, 2008 10:51 pm

    Imran Khan dies his hair? Really? Well, he’s not the maverick I thought he was. Interestingly, ZA Bhutto didn’t dye his hair (not that he had much to work with).

    Personally, I think Aitzaz has the coolest hair by far. :D

  3. Hossp says:
    June 22nd, 2008 11:34 pm

    Sheikh Rashid, Parvez Illahi, and the new nutcase on Pak tv Lt. Gen. Jamshid Kyani actually use toupee(wig).
    You missed Gen. Ashfaq Kiyani and Gen Tariq Majid. I think they use some cheap dye too.

    This guys have tons of stolen money, why can’t they buy some reasonably priced dyes instead of the cheap ones they use?
    Cheap hair dyes are linked to cancer(including leukemia, non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, bladder cancer, blood cancer, and multiple myeloma).

    Oh well…who cares if they get it…All have done enough damage already!

  4. Aqil Sajjad says:
    June 23rd, 2008 3:34 am

    This is a fun post. Trust MQ to write something like this.

    Vaissay with regards to hair implants, I can’t help sympathizing with NS and SS. Back in the 1990s, people used to make fun of their baldness. Now people cut jokes about their hair implants.
    Bay charay aakhir kia karain? :)

  5. Akbar says:
    June 23rd, 2008 5:07 am

    Very interesting post. Interesting that the Kala Kola box never has mens pictures on them.

  6. Akbar says:
    June 23rd, 2008 5:50 am

    Eidee Man, I think the most amazing hair anywhere is of Ali Kurd, Aitizaz’s lawyer colleague ;-)

  7. June 23rd, 2008 8:24 am

    lol, just an observation, Mr. Nawaz’s picture comes across as if he is constipated and looking for a good jalaab to smooth things out for him. May be in this political atmosphere good ex-lax is recommended.

  8. Ahmad R. Shahid says:
    June 23rd, 2008 8:31 am

    Lately many writers have taken this issue for some reason. It all started I think when Amina Jillani criticizing Musharraf’s hairsetyle, she never otherwise critizes him, and some Mush chamcha started writing articles in favor of his “good looks” and stuff. That was like 2 years back. Since then people have started writing on this ad nauseam.

  9. faraz Waseem says:
    June 23rd, 2008 9:12 am

    Most amazing hair belonged to Aziz Mian Qawal. I am not sure if he is dead or alive.

  10. Real hair walla guy says:
    June 23rd, 2008 9:19 am

    Very funny writeup. Thanks for it. Also, really nice selection of pictures adds to the excellent writing style.

  11. Lal Salaam says:
    June 23rd, 2008 10:27 am

    I think Kurd has the coolest hair. Imran does not dye his hair. He actually has plugs i.e. hair implant.

  12. shahid says:
    June 23rd, 2008 10:58 am

    Kala Kola Klub !!!! Hats off to Khalid Hassan for coining such a hilarious term that made me laugh like hell.
    Oh yes !! musharaf dyes his hair in two tones, but Chaudary brothers dye their hair like hell. “GUJRATI STYLE” shehr main reh kar bhi babu banna nahin aaya.
    Sheikh Rashid makes sure that all his hair are colored JET BLACK, and his mustache too. He tries to wear a 20 years old look. (kawa chala hans ki chaal apni chaal bhi bhool giya).
    Imran though a junior member of the club is no doubt a good looking kid.
    Yaar koi tariqa batao how to join this club.

  13. Pervaiz Munir Alvi says:
    June 23rd, 2008 10:58 am

    MQ: A friend had e-mailed me this article by Khalid Hasan and a thread of back-and-forth exchange of e-mails between the two of them. Like my friend I thought that the article by Khalid Hasan was rather sophomoric and only a step above the bath-room-humor. Then I saw your name attached to ‘KKK’ and I said, “Oh no, not MQ too”. But that is before I read your article. You have turned Khalid Hasan on his head. No pun intended. You made me laugh when Khalid Hasan could not. I particularly like the ending, you know, the advise of the fashion expert. Pakistani ‘leaders’ are not really leaders of any sort. They are just rich bored men who like rich bored women are busy decorating themselves. Their vanity makes them believe that their power rests in their hair. Samson they are not.

  14. Asma says:
    June 23rd, 2008 2:21 pm

    Isn’t it a wig on Sheikh sahab’s head??

    Awesome article :)

  15. lidaliqa says:
    June 23rd, 2008 4:01 pm

    I think its also called KKK ( kala kola Klub)
    Not the cross burning but effigy burning type.

    I know of alot of uncles that dye their hair with one color only and its JATTTTTTTTTT BLACK. It looks ridiculous but they dont seem to get it. I think I might do it tooo when I get to their age.

    I dont think Imran khan had a hair transplant. I can usually detect it.

  16. Kabir says:
    June 23rd, 2008 9:40 pm

    Lovely post and hillarious selection of pictures.

  17. Lovethis Blog says:
    June 23rd, 2008 11:53 pm

    Kala Kola Club – Humour aprt , I do not think the group of resourceful elites use the crap brand when they have access to the Best Colour solution for Grey Hair !
    The post was enjoyable and is good spirit .

  18. legaleagle says:
    June 24th, 2008 2:38 am

    Also include Javed Hashmi in this club who has recently started coloring his receding hairline!

    What can you expect from politicians who even try to deny the reality of how they really look!

  19. Ali Dada says:
    June 24th, 2008 2:28 pm

    Hazrat Muhammad S.A.W.S. used to dye his hair mubarak with henna (mehndi). He also once instructed an old man who wanted to take part in jehad to dye his white hair to look younger.

    FYI, among the three religions of the book (not counting Sabians) – Islam, Christianity, and Judaism, only Islam allows for the hair to be dyed.

    However, one must be careful not to use hair dye to conceal their age in matters such as asking a woman to marry and so forth.

  20. Rafay Kashmiri says:
    June 24th, 2008 3:59 pm

    @ Mast Qalandar,

    Forgetting Pir-e-Hukmuran is not only, unforgivable, but
    punishable,
    arz hay

    Yaad atta hay wo Khizaab-ranga Pir, aiy Qalandar,
    Qissa-e-parinah howa chahti hay, kola ki wo kali list
    Rafay Kashmiri

  21. ahsan says:
    June 25th, 2008 6:14 am

    Very true. Kala Kola personifies all the hair dyes in Pakistan. Any leader who still has hangups about his hair should also go for some liposuction and other “enlargment” surgeries. And then we can decide on whom to vote by having their cattle parade on some fashion ramp. What if our female politicians decide for some cosmetic surgery and a few implants here and there.
    Imran Khan had a week old black beard on his face when he came out of jail. I failed to see a single white hair.Was he using Kala Kola in there? Did he actually asked for that?

  22. MQ says:
    June 25th, 2008 9:16 am

    Ali Dada, you have given a new twist to the post. I was not aware of this particular “sunnah” of dyeing one’s hair. But if that was so, one wonders, why don’t Qazi Hussain Ahmad and Maulana Fazlur-Rehman, the two great proponents of the sunnah, dye their beards flaming red? Or black?

  23. Pervaiz Munir Alvi says:
    June 25th, 2008 9:58 am

    MQ: Qazi Hussain Ahmad and Maulana Fazlur-Rehman wear their Shalwar above ankles. Isn’t that enough? And about Imran Khan. In his pictures why he looks so ‘angry’ all the time.

  24. AHsn says:
    June 25th, 2008 11:05 am

    Dear Ali Dada,

    You write: ” He also once instructed an old man who wanted to take part in jehad to dye his white hair to look younger.”
    So, if the old man dyes his beard to hides his age, he becomes an equal partner of younger ones to take the advantage of the bounty of the Jehad. It is simple CHEATING!

    And then you give another opposite stetement: “However, one must be careful not to use hair dye to conceal their age in matters such as asking a woman to marry and so forth.”
    So, what is your advice: (1) Hide and cheat or (2) Hide but not cheat.

  25. Ibrahim says:
    June 25th, 2008 7:59 pm

    aHsn, and what bolt of lightening led you to believe that older people get less bounty (booty) compared to younger once? Your permise is completely wrong, and what Ali Dada wrote is correct. So, what Rasoolullah adviced the old man to do wouldn’t lead him to cheat anyone, except make the enemy think that he was younger to gain psychological advantage (the fights used to one on one, you know).

    Dyeing is a sunnah, the type of sunnah that’s considered Rasoolullah’s (saw) habit…like his style of walking, etc. Doing isbaal (lowering your clothing below ankle) has been specifically prohibited by Rasoolullah and thus is a sunnah that should be followed.

    And, outside of black any color can be used to dye one’s hair/beard. In fact many sahabah, including Uthman, Ali and ibn Umar, had dyed their beards yellow! It was normal to do so at that time. Thus, Ali Dada is right that to dye one’s hair black to look younger and then to deceive somebody is prohibited. Good points Ali.

  26. Rafay Kashmiri says:
    June 26th, 2008 3:35 pm

    @There is not much difference between
    vestimentary and disguise, the difference is
    distinguished by every single relative Hadith
    of Rasool SAW, where disguise is disliked but
    vestimentary is encouraged, perfume, dressing
    oneself with dignity, soberness without extravaganza
    including dresses hanging uptill ankles, as below
    ankles, shows, Takabbur and waste. In my memory,
    there is not a single action and word of Rasool SAW which
    is not accompanied by an explanation,
    as people were at that time curious and were always asked
    the reasons for such and such prohibition.
    Our Pakistanis ladies have become champions of the most
    disguised appearances, some of them are simple horrors,
    just look at them and their make-up on Pak TVs, its
    disgusting and pretencious, a real disguise.
    BTW, how do they take off such heavey layers ??
    with glass-paper ?? (no offence)
    I am sure we are admired by ALL-Mighty, when we are
    well-dressed, perfumed, pleasant and agr

  27. AHsn says:
    June 27th, 2008 4:17 pm

    Ibrahim, It is not aHsan but AHsn.

    Thanks for your effort to put me on your right path. When you say that one should not deceive another person, I totally agree with you. This other person may be a friend or a foe. This old man who may be physically inept to be fit as a warrior, by dying his beard to pretend to be young, is deceiving his enemy and himself. The disadvantage to him will be that his enemy will strike him hard enough for a young but deadly for an old

  28. ShavedHeadGuy says:
    June 27th, 2008 5:06 pm

    So..Ali Dada is trying to defend this KKK (and of course i mean Kala Kola Klub and not Ku Klux Klan :) ) for following Sunnah?…Give me a break…i can guarantee you that not even one of them would even know what Islam says about dyeing ones hair….they just want to look young (period)

  29. saif says:
    June 29th, 2008 4:29 am

    [quote] In fact many sahabah, including Uthman, Ali and ibn Umar, had dyed their beards yellow![unquote]

    Ibrahim, yellow color for beards? We normally associate punk culture with the West. Now you tell us that it originated in Medina 1400 years ago!

    That is something new.

  30. Irfan Gul says:
    July 6th, 2008 1:48 am

    Funny post.

    But I am not sure that either Musharraf or Zardari use hair color. Doesn’t seem so.

  31. Rafay Kashmiri says:
    July 6th, 2008 11:09 am

    @Mast Qalander,
    (nei amad, ghaur-talab hay)

    Atleast , our National hero Dr. Abdel Qadeer is
    not Khizab-zadah, therefore, do not belong to that
    blessed cercle of Kala Kola-ists, the naqli kalaas.
    Dr. Qadeer ki nazr hay:

    Zubon-hali, Khizab-hali say barh kar,
    Qismat mein inki kuch nehein hay,

    Zarkhaiz to hay, num, inki yeh mitti,
    Magar Abdel Qadeer, us mitti ka nehein hay

    Rafay Kashmiri

  32. Usman Khan says:
    December 30th, 2009 7:57 pm

    Wow this article is first class i must say, baayshmaar mangoes . Kala Kola For president, Bayshaamaar

  33. Jamshed says:
    March 10th, 2010 1:16 pm

    This makes it look as if great skulduggery is afoot. If a guy dyes his hair,that’s his own business.

  34. Bilal Rehman says:
    August 3rd, 2011 2:23 pm

    why not use a better product then kala kola

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