Adil Najam
Sometimes one is left completely speechless. And I was upon seeing this picture in the Daily Times (21 April) of a man beating his wife as their son looks on.
But the real story here is about a society that chooses to loose its speech and prefers to remain silent in the face of a wide scale menace of acute domestic violence and spousal (and familial) abuse of women.
This is not something that is restricted only to the poorest classes. Although it is often hidden behind ’sufaid poshi’ such violence against women is more common in our society than most of us would care to accept. Remember, for example, the case of former Pakistan cricket captain Moin Khan who was taken in custody after beating his wife while drunk.
I wonder what the child in this photograph will grow up thinking. I wonder how many children have grown up witnessing such scenes. I wonder what such emotional scars have done to them.
It is indeed true that such incidents of violence happen all over the world. There is no evidence at all that they happen more in Pakistan than elsewhere. In terms of reported cases they may be even less. But that is not the point. This is not a competition.
Saying that it happens everywhere or that it happens even more in other places is neither an excuse nor a consolation. One case would, in my opinion, be one too many. And there are clearly much more than one. As Pakistanis - no, as human beings - we must speak against such violence everywhere; but, first within our own society.
A frequent commenter on this blog, who also appears on this thread, to prove that people who disagree with him are wrong, repeatedly advises them, in an offensive manner, that they should take a course in History 101 or Religion 101 or Something Else 101.
May I suggest a couple of courses he himself should should consider taking at the earliest opportunity:
1. Etiquette 001 and
2. English 101
No matter what the topic of discussion might be, please refrain from using such bad language. It is not just in appropriate and rude, but totally against the policies of ATP as well.
I didn’t write this but it fits:
From the perspective of those who are entitled, the problems begin when those they despise do not go along withâ€â€?and have the power and wherewithal to not go along withâ€â€?the perceived entitlement. …
Several times I have commented that hatred felt long and deeply enough no longer feels like hatred, but more like tradition, economics, religion, what have you. It is when those traditions are challenged, when the entitlement is threatened, when the masks of religion, economics, and so on are pulled away that hate transforms from its more seemingly sophisticated, “normal,” chronic stateâ€â€?where those exploited are looked down upon, or despisedâ€â€?to a more acute and obvious manifestation. Hate becomes more perceptible when it is no longer normalized.
Another way to say all of this is that if the rhetoric of superiority works to maintain the entitlement, hatred and direct physical force remains underground. But when that rhetoric begins to fail, force and hatred waits in the wings, ready to explode.
And this:
It has its origins, like slavery and war, in some of man’s most ancient and most savage impulses: the desire to dominate others, through violence if necessary. However, in contrast, it goes largely unnoticed and largely unexamined, perhaps because it is a side of human nature so ugly we prefer not even to recognize its existence.
ahem….does NOT excuse the man’s abuse.
I should proofread.
How can one not drag the men into the middle. Are they the perpetrators of the crime or are they not. You cannot seem to admit this simple fact. Instead you say now that man hits woman because he has been put up to it through scheming of other women. All Pakistani homes are not houses of discord like this, you know. Maybe on the other hand this is what you know from experience.
The mental harmony or the lack of it among the women does excuse the man’s abuse. And if you keep insisting that man is not doing the abuse, then you are just simply wrong, quantifiably, objectively wrong.
The problem is that you do not grasp the dynamics of domestic violence, even though this is well studied, and you do not want to grasp it because of your anti-Western bias.
Actually there is something wrong in you. Your feminist mind just forces you to declare men ‘axis of evil’. Instead of coming back to me, I would request you to read my first and other posts. So far you are not able to comprehend what I am talking about and you are taking every respond against women as if Me or others who opposing you have some issue with women.
[quote post=”667″]As for women getting united, to be united in ideology means nothing. In practical terms this would mean women getting together in a physical sense, away from the violent men in their households, something I am sure you would not really approve of because family structure would cease to exist as we now know it. Is that what you want?[/quote]
see again you dragged men in the middle. LOL! I can just laugh nothing else. what do you mean physical unity here? do you suggest that saas bahu get united physically to punch their respective husbands? if this is what you want then I am sorry you wouldn’t be acceptable for anyone. By unity here means mental harmony. It’s very easy to use a woman against a woman. You admit or or not but it’s a fact. Men shouldn’t always be blamed for the weakness of women. If one woman stop becoming part of man’s game against other woman then Man will be pretty helpless. If blaming men for everything gives you inner satisfaction then you carry on as it doesn’t hurt anyone nor it changes the reality.
Adnan—Ending domestic violence is the responsibility of WOMEN, not the men who inflict it? So therefore if domestic violence goes on it is the fault of women and men are not to blame?
I have been giving you too much credit. There is something seriously wrong with your mind.
As for women getting united, to be united in ideology means nothing. In practical terms this would mean women getting together in a physical sense, away from the violent men in their households, something I am sure you would not really approve of because family structure would cease to exist as we now know it. Is that what you want?
[quote comment=”46362″]…………..
domestic violence does not only means the violence from the husband and in the houses…….
why only BAHU burnt why not daughter of the house……….
why women only suffer…………..
why men not…………….
why the dont want to gave respect or love 2 women ……..
bcz a women is a mother ,daughter and a wife………
……..
………
………..
wht can be done to stope violence against women……[/quote]
very well asked- I hope the other lady here[tina] would have ability to understand this *sigh*.
[quote post=”667″]wht can be done to stope violence against women[/quote]
One woman starts giving respect to other woman. if women get united then men will not be able to play with them.