If you are married, how closely did you read the Nikah Nama before signing it?
Some time last summer my fiance decided that time had come for us to tie the knot. I was excited. So excited that I hastily agreed to do the Nikah (Katb-e-Kitaab, as levant Arabs call it) within the next few weeks. I called my trusted friend, Adil, for his advice on where to find a good scholar/Imam for the Nikah, esp someone who might be familiar with Arabic language because my wife happens to be a Palestinian. He, as always, had an excellent recommendation.
During this process is when I actually read a Nikah Nama for the first time in my life and realized that it was missing some of the key provisions that my fiance and I had discussed earlier and wanted to be included. For example, we realized that there was no provision in the agreement for a woman’s right to ask for divorce. Secondly, there was no detailed discussions of the different types of Haq Mehr, except for the very minimum required at the time of marriage. Finally, there was no discussion on how our assets would get divided in the case of a divorce, or separation.
I discussed these terms, and our mutual agreement on them, with my parents. Let me tell you it was an uncomfortable discussion. Initially, they seemed horrified that my fiance and I were discussing divorce issues even before marriage! Then their reaction turned to fear – that their son was signing his life and his possessions away without proper legal counsel. But somehow they budged. Next came the discussions with the Imam. That also took some serious convincing but he was a learned man with patience. He eventually agreed to add those terms which essentially protected my wife’s rights, though warned us that despite our Nikah agreement some of those provisions would not hold in many Muslim states, such as Saudi Arabia.
So why am I reminded of this now? No, not because it has been a year already and I am regretting all that I signed away :). But because I read in the Daily Times that the problems with Nikah Nama are confronting Pakistani couples regularly as they enter unto wedlock. The problem, of course, has greater ramifications for the bride than the groom, but in either case, this is a serious religious and legal issue. Here’s what is reported:
A large number of nikkah namas (forms declaring a man and woman husband and wife) prepared in Karachi at least if not the rest of the country are incomplete because seven out of 28 paragraphs are excluded, Daily Times has learnt.
The omitted paragraphs run from Nos. 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 and 28 and pertain to the woman’s rights in a marriage.
Paragraph No. 16 deals with Haq Mehr, or the amount of money that a husband is required, by the Shariah and Pakistani law, to pay his wife if their marriage ends. Any other property given instead by the woman or man must be declared on the forms.
Paragraph No. 17 says that any special terms and conditions that the woman or the man puts forward should be mentioned independently. Paragraph No. 18 details the basis on which the man has allowed his wife to demand a divorce from him. These sections are, however, usually crossed out by clerics or nikkah khwans, which means that in these cases the woman is not given her right to demand divorce or to declare it herself.
Nearly 25% of the Nikah Nama is missing. This is unbelievable! Clearly such changes are not officially sanctioned by the state but there are severe problems implementing the state’s writ. Marriage registrars have considerable freedom, it seems, when it comes to this business:
The authorities have taken a stab at tackling this problem but it appears not to be high priority. The city government has formed Maslihati Anjuman and Insaaf Committees at the Union Council and town levels. It is said in Paragraph No. 21 that if a man is already married then he needs a certificate from the Maslihati Anjuman but the city government keeps manual records instead of computerised ones which makes the process of checking next to impossible.
Assuming that this is being done intentionally by selected Khateebs, I consider it a criminal act on their part. The official Nikah Nama is being modified by the Imams/Moulvis/Khateebs/Registrars without the permission of the marrying couple, and important provisions that protect the wife are selectively being removed without informing the couple. Add to this the fact that quite often these Nikah Namas are not read in that much detail, and in the absence of full information, brides usually don’t even know what might be missing. One does not have to search hard to find cases where at least one member of a family has suffered because they were not told about, and not given their full due rights in marriage.
While clearly something must be done about this selective changes in the Nikah Nama, we also need education in the society regarding the meaning of a Nikah, the rights and privileges accorded in such and agreement, and how the laws of Pakistani are technically setup to protect those provisions. In the meantime, do check what your own Nikah Nama says…
The question we must ask is, how is marriage viewed in our society? IMHO marriages and the terms under which they are conducted are sometimes ridiculous and I am not talking about that elite 1-5% of Pakistanis who are not under any sort of social, cultural, religious or economic pressures. Interestingly, recently I was browsing a website looking for works of English by Pakistani writers and came across a book by the name of Marital Discord: Causes and Cures (http://store.dukandar.com/maritaldiscord.html) -not written by a Pakistani though.
I have also seen and heard opionions on the subject of marriage from numerous other sources also (which I dare not name here) which all lead me (emphasis is on ‘me’, you can have your own opinion) to conclude that in the muslim mind (mostly) marriage is all about a few simple things and needs. For fear of backlash I will not elaborate that here. If interested further, you can click on the link above and check out the table of contents. That will answer most questions on how marriage is viewed by a certain large segment of the population of this planet. It will also lay to rest all concerns and questions on the ridiculousness of the Pakistani nikahnama.
It’s a coincidence that a couple of days ago we were discussing Ayub Khan. One of the good things he did was introduce Family Laws Ordinance. The nikahnama that we are talking about was a result of those Family laws. Understandably, the maulvis were against the Family Laws and didn’t like nikahnama as it is.
Under the Family Laws it was made mandatory that each marriage is registered in the registrar’s office. Also, the man had to declare if he was already married. If yes, then he had to have the first wife’s written permission to marry another woman. The amount of mehr along with all the financial details, if applicable. Additionally, the woman was given the right to divorce her husband as the man already had.
The best time to discuss the various provisions of the nikahnama and agree to them or otherwise is before the actual marriage ceremony. The ceremony is just to formalize publicly what has already been agreed to. The maulvi has no legal, moral or religious right to dictate or interpret any of the terms of the nikahnama. That’s none of his business. In fact, he is not even required by law or religion to perform the nikah. Anyone can do it. The important thing is to have the document, after it is signed and witnessed, registered with the registrar.
And, both women and men must not forget to write Yes to the question: Do you want to have the right to divorce your partner.
Bilal,
Excellent point to bring up this ugly yet hidden issue in Pakistan. I too got married in Pakistan a few years ago and received the blank forms for my nikah the day of my arrival (and the nikah). Thankfully my wife and I had talked about some of these issues before hand and included them in the form.
Lo and behold, the rented Qazi from the local masjid came to the nikah ceremony, had one look at the filled out form and pulled me and my uncle to the side stating that we are committing a huge mistake by giving all these rights to the woman! He claimed that people usually cross out all the non-conforming causes (25% of the legal document as Bilal pointed out!) which are usually the ones dealing with the woman’s rights.
With more than 50 guests waiting for the nikah we politely told the qazi that it is our decision and he should just focus on the prayers. To this day I feel irked by his behavior and just shudder at the consequences for a vast majority of women who are not even told about the clauses that protect their rights in the marriage or not even given a chance to set their own terms.
We must inform our relatives and children (especially girls) about these lacunae in the nikahnaama and make sure that they have a chance to protect their rights before signing their life away.
At the very least if you are ever called as witness to a nikah make sure that you communicate with the bride and groom and make sure that these clauses are not crossed out.
I believe that the government of Pakistan should ensure that every nikah signed should be registered in person by both parties (with fully filled out forms) in the district court without which it should hold no legal value. The religous requirements do not stipulate a signed form for solemnizing the marriage (although written contracts are recommended for every transaction in the Quran) as long as there are witnesses to the affirmation from both sides.
Thanks for bringing up this important issue Bilal. All the best to and your family.
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I married to a Pakistani several years ago in US (I am a native Chinese). To be honest, I was quite surprised when I read through the