If, like myself, you are parents of children growing up ‘abroad,’ then we probably share a common angst if our children do not or cannot speak our native language.
Having grown up outside of Pakistan my entire life, save numerous long summers during early schooling years and then later, almost bi-annual winters during college and thereafter, I am able to converse and understand spoken Urdu. It is thanks to my parents, who spoke Urdu throughout my young formative years, and our visits to the motherland, that I am able today, to appreciate more of my rich culture because I have the ability to communicate and comprehend Urdu. My wish and hope is that my children too, are able to have this wonderful gift and opportunity. In the world we now live in, especially for our American/foreign born children, the need for them to have a strong sense of belonging and a positive self-identity in the western societies they live in, is paramount in my opinion.
As a parent of two young children, my husband & I constantly struggle with the fact that our children are not speaking Urdu. We think they understand the language in some minimal capacity, but not nearly enough to elicit proper comprehension or more far flung verbal communication. We – or rather I – think they are in reality absorbing more than we give them credit for, but the reality is that it is not a two way road (yet). I am an optimist in this regard. It really boils down to whether or not we as parents make a consistent effort to actually SPEAK to each other in Urdu, and therefore with our children.
It has been noted that even in households where parents speak Urdu, the children living abroad either stop speaking their native language soon after entering preschool, KG, etc. or never felt comfortable speaking it at all. So, if your children don’t speak Urdu either because you as a parent are not using it as the first language of communication in the household, or even if you are, and your children still either cannot or refuse to, I still feel that there is good in continuing to speak.
There are a lot of theories and much evidence that while children may not speak their native language, if they are around it and hear it being spoken, their young minds may be absorbing more than you think. Language acquisition begins from birth. Many linguistic experts agree for the most part that the years from birth to before puberty is when the brain is able to absorb the most language, as well as the proper accent and more ‘native-like’ fluency and pronounciation. This is considered the ‘critical’ or the milder term, ‘optimal’ period for first and second language acquisition.
Psycholinguists and cognitive scientists have debated this ‘critical period hypothesis’ quite enthusiastically (from: ‘Cognitive Scientists on Bilingual Education’, UPI, Steve Sailer – October 27, 2000):
MIT linguist Noam Chomsky is famous for demonstrating that children are born with an innate ability to learn words and grammar. He suggests caution on the subject but pointed out, ‘There is no dispute about the fact that pre-puberty (in fact, much earlier), children have unusual facility in acquiring new languages.’
Chomsky’s younger MIT colleague, cognitive scientist Steven Pinker, [now at Harvard] author of the bestsellers ‘The Language Instinct’ and ‘How the Mind Works, states, ‘When it comes to learning a second language, the younger the better. In a large study of Chinese immigrants who entered the U.S. at different ages, those who arrived after puberty showed the worst English language skills. Still, this finding of ‘younger is better’ extended to far younger ages. People who began to learn English at six ended up on average more proficient than those who began at seven, and so on.’ As an illustration, Pinker points to the famously thick German accent of former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, who arrived in America at age fourteen. In contrast, his younger brother developed a standard American accent.
Pinker’s arch-rival, Terrence W. Deacon, a biological anthropologist at Boston University and author of ‘The Symbolic Species’ replies, ‘I have to agree with Steve Pinker[on this one particular issue]that learning a language early in life can be an advantage for developing language fluency and sophistication.’
I know from personal experience, that languages in which I was immersed or were spoken to during the ‘critical period’ years, are still with me, and seem to possess the ability to speak with minimal non-native accent. I lived in Thailand until age 14 and also learned French in elementary school (as well as being exposed to French in Laos-French IndoChina- during ages 5-9). Almost 2 decades later I can still converse to some coherent degree in those languages. I learned Spanish in my mid-twenties, and many (!) years later, I can barely remember 5-10 basic sentences!
Aisha PZ is the proud mother of two beautiful children and blogs at Boundless Meanderings. This post was originally published at ATP in September 2006.
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And though we live abroad in whatever part of the world, we will always remain a Pakistani, whether or not we speak urdu.
That’s a fairly meaningless sentiment.
Pakistani, the way you are referring to it, is a concept, not a race.
Some people would consider it a culture, but then your statement wouldn’t be true, because people change cultures, whereas other people won’t be because they never had the Pakistani culture.
I am Pakistani, because I have a green book that says so. No other reason.
The notion of nation states is a very arbitrary one. You may choose to cage your mind with that concept, but I will not.
Its entirely upto you whether you want to follow what they call,
To Beetle B:
Although I agree with some of your notions, i should add that Pakistan is our identity. And though we live abroad in whatever part of the world, we will always remain a Pakistani, whether or not we speak urdu.
Its entirely upto you whether you want to follow what they call, “brown culture” but you cant run OR hide from your roots. I think every kid should know how to speak their native language or what their country expects from them. If theyre not gonna represent their country, who is? We cant live in western societyy expecting to be just like them. Our “brown” ways are far different than white peoples’. You shouldnt be ashamed of your culture, if thats the case, its good youre living abroad. Pakistan needs people who are actually capable of repping it and are willing to fight for it. I , myself, am a Pakistani residing in Canada only because I have to. If i had a choice, I would be in pakistan right now, helping my country because it needs me way more than Canada does. So it would be kind of you to appreciate your roots instead of whitewashing yourself.
At Maskaneel:
Urdu originated from Arabic, Persian, Turkish and so many other languages so obviously its gonna be similar to arabic.
I hate it when people have to criticize Islam and the way its infiltrating in our everyday lives. Isnt it good it is? WE CERTAINLY NEED IT. sheesh.
In the world we now live in, especially for our American/foreign born children, the need for them to have a strong sense of belonging and a positive self-identity in the western societies they live in, is paramount in my opinion.
Not in mine.
I’m a Pakistani who has spent his whole life out of Pakistan. While I’ve certainly met people who seemed a bit “messed up” because of a lack of cultural compass, don’t assume this is true for all.
I was not raised with what you may consider “strong Pakistani values”. I speak Urdu poorly (not actually having to use it for day-day living). Many Pakistani cultural norms are alien to me.
But then, nor was I raised along the cultural norms of any society – including that of the society I was raised in.
Yes, this becomes a problem for some people growing up (perhaps in the US, etc). The problem, however, need not be related to not knowing Urdu or Pakistani culture. That may be one solution, but it is by no means the definitive one. In my case, I had none of these issues as I was raised with a number of values. They just didn’t happen to conform to any particular culture.
I live in the US now. You may have heard the phrase “ABCD” – American Born Confused Desi. A phrase repeatedly bandied about by Pakistanis to describe Americans of Pakistani origin.
And that, alone, is reason enough for me to tell the Americans of Pakistani origin not to bother trying to conform to Pakistani culture. They don’t need Pakistan and any void they may artifically feel can be filled in numerous and much more pleasant ways.
When I myself interact with Pakistanis that were raised in Pakistan, most have expectations on my behavior, and if I don’t behave “Pakistani” to them, then it’s my problem. That’s not a culture worth being part of.
It is, however, good to know multiple languages. While I have no particular concern that my children (if and when I have any) should learn Urdu, I likewise don’t have a problem with parents trying to teach their kids Urdu. Just don’t force it down their mouth – it may well backfire.
(Not to nitpick about Pakistanis or Urdu – I’ve met and lived in many cultures that are way too attached to their language. They are all just languages).