Adil Najam
This Father’s Day brings a mixed bunch of feeling for me. I am traveling for work and literally thousands of miles away from my three kids. Missing them, and missing them especially on Father’s Day. There is nothing in the world that compares to parenthood - the greatest of joys, and the greatest of responsibilities!
On the other hand, since I am in Pakistan, I am with my own father on this day; and a time and an age comes when you start cherishing those moments more than you ever did before.
I thought I might put my kids photograph up today. But, actually, those photographs have been up on ATP since Day 1 - if you look at my ‘hum daikhain gay‘ video, the three kids ‘jo daikhain gay‘ who appear right at the beginning, are my own!
So I went back and re-opened the post I had done last Father’s Day. It was not about my kids. It was about the millions of father’s in Pakistan. What I wrote then, I think, is still valid and worth repeating. So, here is the post in full.
I know we are supposed to put cute and cuddly type of stuff on Father’s Day. But being a father is serious business. All the more serious in developing countries like Pakistan.
This picture was taken soon after [the 2005] earthquake, but you can see a scene like this — a desperate father frantically trying to get urgent medical attention for his child — ever day in hospital wards across Pakistan.
Happy Father’s Day, Everyday!
I would agree 110% with Ayesha Sajid and Moeen Bhatti, and with all due respect to some extent with Expatriate and Adnan Ahmad, I can understand human emotions are the same all across the globe, but now it is the matter how far do we want to run the rat race, would there be a limit or not.
I want to relate one incident, I was out with few of my foreign friends to a birthday party at beach, my Scottish friend asked me if I would you ever go back to Pakistan, and looking at the vastness of Indian ocean, with not much certainty I said most probably yes, and he said “Yeah you have to take care of your parents we just chuck them in Retirement homes�, that has been the only time I really felt proud of my country in the past two years of my stay in Australia ‘some human values we still have’.
I was watching a television programme in which they were debating about the ethics of ‘Death with dignity’, and this is being discussed in the parliament these days. Many old aged people are for this, and they are going to some of the US states where this is legal to get over with their lives. After reading ‘Reluctant Expatriate’s’ comments I was thinking probably 30 years from now when this becomes a norm, our children may ask us to die with dignity.
If you want to know more about this topic you can visit
http://www.togopeacefully.com/
http://www.deathwithdignity.org/
I just hope for the day when we stop thinking as followers and ask the world we are people of love and peace and these are the few good things we have got to offer, would you like to share with us so that we can all live with peace and harmony.
If we keep following others then, I am afraid that one day they will turn to us and say “kawa chala hans ki chal apni chal bhi bhool gya�
Nicely said. Glad you mentioned PARENTS instead of just fathers.
up top “caring for their parents..” has been a long day..
Reluctant Expat, You have made valid points. My mother was in an ICU and then general hospital for her heart for almost a month just a few months ago and during that traumatic period a lot of myths were shattered about Americans not caring for their periods. Not just during the visiting hours but I also saw people spending entire nights on a chair in a waiting room outside ICU praying and waiting to hear good news about their loved ones. One night a family invited the hospital priest for a collective prayer for their grand mother, I was sitting on the other side of the waiting room, and in their prayer they included my mother as well. That was their first night in the hospital and I did not know them.
I agree that americans treat their parents nicely, human nature is the same everywhere. There are bad and good children everywhere. Its my own personal feeling that I would rather keep my parents at home infront of my eyes and instead of spending money on a nursing home, keep a peronal attendent for them instead and also help them out when I am not working; and many americans do that too. But I think our discussion was on these days which I believe are cultural and regional, father’s day, mother’s day etc. And it looks funny to me when people in Pak. also celebrate Valantine’s Day and Holoween. Are they gonna celebrate ThanksGiving too which again is a regional celebration? I left Pak. 11 years ago and whenever I visit now, I see the diff. in culture, people do things which I don’t think are a part of our culture.
Fathers day evoke strong memories for reluctant pakistani expatriates like me. It reminds us of the time we did not spend with our fathers and mothers due to our economic migration from Pakistan. The migration hastened by army controling the purse of Pakistan.
During the late 1960s or early 70s when we arrived in USA, we did not have telephone and email connections of today. We did not have the ability of sending gifts of Mithai and cakes by internet. We passed the fathers day just like any other day striving to finish our graduate education or working hard to get a job to support our families.
Those who criticize and condemn the West for all things including fathers day celebration should know that the internet they are using for this purpose was also invented in the West. They talk about treatment of the old parents by sons and daughters should know that most Americans treat their parents nice and human manner. If they put them in nursing or old people homes, it is to provide dignity and provide apprproriate care. I see how the parking lots of the nursing homes filled with vistors in the evenings and weekends.
Happy Father’s day Adil. Do you think Mushrraf will fall before you leave Islamabad? Could you do one last interview with him for posterity?
Indeed this Fathers/Mothers/Grand parents day is a new phenomenon for Pakistan as is Valentine, Haloween etc. Personelly i dont find anything wrong with celebrations if only to take my mind off from the daily chores of a busy life as long as it does not effect the basic simple beliefs of my faith (valentine day i cannot relate to !)
But from my meagre understanding , i believe Fathers day would be for a nation or society that does not keep the fathers in mind all year round, being too busy in thier daily lives, and need a specific day to profess thier love for dads.
For all the faults our society may be facing these days, the love and respect for parents makes a paramount pillar of our values and beliefs still. And no i am not talking of the yuppy/up class/ metropolitan minority of Karachi/Lahore/Islamabad. I am talking of 70% of this pure land where parents have the last word and fathers rule the lives of thier children with or without love and affection.
How appropriate is it then to celebrate some thing mindlessly just because its done everywhere else ?
If its a commercial gimmick where cards, flowers and gifts are sold and some poor shop keepers make money then I am fine with it.
If its celebrated just to take our minds off the CJ/Jamia Hafsa/Army dictator issues then its fine.
If Fathers day evokes special feelings for our dads, which are not there the rest of the year round , then its ok.
For me personelly , i dont need a specific day to tell my dad that i love him and thanks for all the things he has done for me.
I have it in my heart every second of every day and yes if not daily , i do let him know what a great man he is from time to time. That day comes often and they are all Fathers day for me !