Me Tarzan, You Pseudo-Puritanical-Silent-Maid-Who-Slaves-To-My-In satiable-Ego-For-Life
It is very, very tempting to lump the male of our species under a single category – i.e. insecure, self-indulgent imp who boasts a chauvinistic pride based solely on an alphabetical mishap (designated ‘XY’ by geneticists.) But, I shall temporarily lend credence to the postmodernist notion of diversity and resist such a temptation.
Not too long ago, Raza Rumi made a humorous contribution to the issue of gender stereotyping by creating different boxes Pakistani women must inevitably fit into “or else….” I would like to attempt a similar parody – of Pakistani men. I have socio-politico-feminist reasons for doing so. Nothing too personal, rest assured. My meagre understanding and observation of Pakistani men has led to the groupings you find below.
The aim is to see if the boxes “tick” and what the Pakistani man has to say to that. There’s no denying that in our society it has almost always been the woman who has had to defend herself, no matter what the circumstance. The man prosecutes but is seldom prosecuted. Has he no responsibility for the debilitated condition of women in Pakistan? I include in this the “liberal” Pakistani male who is well-versed in the slogans for woman’s lib, but silently and secretly accepts the sexist codes embedded in our social make-up. Perhaps the Hudoods and the Hisbas offer him a kind of a guilty comfort – a telling reminder of his superior rank, making for a very cushiony fallback position should his ego get so desperate?
The point is that by just keeping quiet he is perpetuating the status quo. Now it is easy to forgive an ignorant man, but not an educated man’s passivity.
Chichora extraordinaire: he is the plankton of our society. You will find his type, always flashy and smirking, floating about in abundance in the dirty waters that make up our bazaars and gallis (mind you, he has also been spotted on the streets of Southall and many other desi ghetto areas across the globe). Blessed with a natural affinity for ogling and elbowing, he cannot help but make the woman feel like she is the first and only woman he has ever seen. The ability – to effortlessly yet expressively reduce the woman to an object – is truly unique to this group.
Proud owner of a whirligig-wife: “marriage” was a business transaction and “wife” his purchased item. He actually believes he owns her like one would a 15 sq. m. utility area, or a whirligig to be spun at his whim. Her very existence is defined by his demands/moods/wants/needs.
I used to know a woman in Pakistan, mother of four, who was owned by such a man. One day she set herself on fire. Alas, fate can sometimes have a very cruel sense of irony: she survived the suicide attempt, and now lies paralyzed and strapped to her charpai, dependent on that evil man to feed her liquefied food from a straw.
Men from all socio-economic backgrounds can fall into this category. On the one extreme of this group you find a battered and broken-spirited wife who has been used and abused throughout her marriage. She may try to kill herself or avoid doing so for the sake of her children. On the other extreme you have those jittery, slightly neurotic, wives, who jump at the mention of their husbands. They are trained poodles, craftily brainwashed by their owner to always behave in accordance with his specific and strict code of ethics and etiquettes. Constantly fearful of making a wrong move at the grave displeasure of her owner, I can’t imagine life to be any more than a litany of lament for her. (I’d equate the relationship to bonded labour but I don’t wish to benumb your senses with too much reality.)
Napoleon-complex: also known as Small Man Syndrome, its members subscribe to a rather intense, at times aggressive, policy towards women. Having nurtured his own inferiority complex by fixating on a physical or mental “inadequacy” of some kind, he seeks compensation for his “shortcomings” via dominance. Caught up in a maelstrom of self-doubt and suspicion in others, he projects his insecurities onto women (conveniently considered the weaker sex.)
Whereas most men would be inclined to judge women based on unfair stereotypes, I feel the tendency is more accentuated in this group. He has a need to prove and establish his superiority. He may adopt a more machismo look; buffing up to resemble Salman Khan or flagrantly affronting innocent passer-bys in public displays of aggression. Or he may try to convince you that he is very funny, or very rich, or very clever, or a ‘very’ of something that is enough to delude him to thinking that he commands more power in relation to someone else. Such extreme competitiveness can be channelled positively in the workplace, but his unfortunate misgivings reinforce the sad power plays between the genders.
New Age sexists: he is of the variety I mentioned at the beginning: sexist by his sheer silence. He doesn’t ogle other women or try to “own” his own. But he passively accepts the system; acting immune to the discrimination he sees around him.
He is the liberal parvenu and poseur: more concerned with affecting the manners of a woman’s-liberationist rather than making any effort to understand and implement the principles he’s supposed to espouse. Because at the end of the day, he’s not the victim, and so why should he bother? And let’s not forget that he actually gets to enjoy the many perks of living in a sexist, patriarchal society.
So, do Pakistani men continue to be conscripted into the groups outlined above? If so, Why? What can Pakistani men do to break these moulds – thus breaking a very entrenched and harsh form of gender discrimination in our society? Finally, is there a Pakistani man who is doing something/anything to combat sexist attitudes towards women? Please come forward and bewilder us all.
but women like hunks, badboys, studs and dominant and muscular and attractive men.
these are the type of men who are most sexually active and women are happy to have sex with them casually (before the settle down with the ideal husband ofcourse)
nice guys with good personalites finish last. good manner etc. these things are important if you want to be their JUST-FRIENDS.
First of all, I think the article was meant to be humorous with some truth though was obviously all inclusive in its stereotypes of men thus it obviously required a couple more boxes that we could stuff men into…lol..too many of you took this article too seriously. The article about stereotying of women didn’t get this kind of reaction…it too was funny but had some truth. Lighten up people…learn to laugh at life a little.
I have to totally disagree with Omar and his perception of women and how they think and what they should do…etc. As a Western Educated Woman it is obvious that you are stereotyping all educated women and stuffing them all into the same box!
“The ideas mentioned in this post represents an idealogy that is very popular in the modern(highly educated) women of our time. It is this ideology that classifies men as chuvanitic oppressors rather than knights in shining armour.”
Educated women are obviously capable of recognizing Chauvinistic oppressors whereas uneducated women simply do not have a clue that they are being oppressed because they know nothing different. As for the true “knights in shining armour” that is too funny because I have only met a couple in my life and still they show signs that they could quickly become chauvenistic oppressors if they too felt their authority over a woman was challenged.
“When I advocate women to understand and embrace the requirements of their ceremonlial duties, I also advocate men to be sensitive to the emotional needs of their spouse; and most educated men are. Men feel insecure and need to enforce their role only when a woman subconciously challenges it. ”
What kind of oxymoron statement is that? Sensitive to the emotional needs of his spouse but still feels the need to enforce his role as being smarter, stronger, and her owner?????
“I think that women should attribute the same level of respect to a housewife that they do to any acomplished women, then they can better understand the typical pakistani male and the pains that he has to go through to make his spouse and family happy. ”
Don’t you think that a woman who juggles being a good wife, a good mother, and a career woman is better able to understand the “real” pains of her husband in attempt to make everyone happy? Just because a woman chooses to have a career doesn’t mean she values her family or respects her husband any less. If anything she tries harder to compensate for not being a stay at home wife and mother and has a deeper understanding and respect for what her husband goes through on a daily basis. Surely, men should have equal respect for working or none working wives as they are each unique and have so much to offer and are of great value to the husband and the family.
Wantan Aziz I agreed with everything you said minus the entire body of your post! lol Your opening and closing was good, that’s about all that I agreed with.
Question for Wantan, what good comes from women voting if the women actually voting are such a small percentage. Even if women were a majority voter, it’s not as if anything for her benefit would ever be enforced by the law or gov’t. Secondly, what “average” Pakistani man would let the women in his family vote differently then he himself???? NONE.
Feminist movement is nothing about women rights, its all about seeking <i>HOW TO’s</i> to offend men by every mean.
I’m sorry you felt I sounded like a dictionary, and how reckless it was of me to forgo my duty to communite in a manner most accessible to the Tarzans of this forum. It must’ve clashed heavily with your image of how women are hard-wired to only nurture and “gently chisel the male response with understanding and affection.”
Bottom line remains that the categories I outlined exist, and a great number of Pakistani men subscribe to them. Consider it a conscience-raising exercise. I speculate that most of the male ATP crowd doesn’t belong to the extreme categories, 1 & 2, but many might fall under the 4th.
Sorry ! wrong number !!
@ I thought this blog was supposed to be on Body-building
not ‘body-demolishing’.
Qandeel: In my humble understanding, your post is clearly about Pakistani men in general. If it had not been so; then so many commentator would not have been be shouting for a meager representation of good caring men. If it is some obscure meaning of the word Tarzan, then I regret my ignorance. Writing is more about communication rather than demonstrating that how much dictionary one has memorized so far, from the above comment, it seems that you can write pretty good prose if you just put the dictionary aside.
I am glad that you have at least admitted to the presence of “good guys”, and I am sure that in time you will discover many more, as anger is only misdirected passion ;)
Well, you mentioned my stance on western women. In my response it would suffice to say that “unhin pata hai keh aatay daal ka bhao kia hai”. They miss the nurturing selfless care of a family, they know that not every career would offer them relocation benefits and chances are that they might not end up as an executive with a suitcase boyfriend. They know that no matter how successful they are, they would soon be deprecated and replaced by better looking ones. So when asked the question, they gladly embrace the shackles of a relationship. Have you ever wondered that what is the story of women at strip clubs and escort services? They might be doing it with consent but economic factors are also part of the equation for a woman of average qualification.
One problem with feminists is that they see annihilating men and their weapons of mass destruction as the only viable solution; however, psychologists would agree that male brain is still driven by primal needs of eating and mating. So instead of total annihilation, male response needs to be gently chiseled by understanding and affection.
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PS: BTW the tile is also incorrect; how can Tarzan evening thing of being sexists, they poor guy had to choose between Jane and the less lurcative options ;)
Tina: You have made an insightful remark, and I agree without reservation that in our society freedom of men is not equal to freedom of women. My speculative response would be that Pakistani society/system is unjust and confused. In one family wearing sleeveless is a modest dress, whereas in an other The veil is not enough ;). In such a situation, most men tend to make decisions (especially in the case of women), not by evaluating what is justified but by the doctrine of necessity. For example, it is fair to go and read a book in the park but the risk of potential eve teasing invokes the doctrine of necessity and a legitimate wish is (heavy heartedly) turned down. The question arises that then who are these men who do eve teasing; I would say that it has got a lot to do with sexual suppression. Women giggle and men become chauvinistic; both do not know how to deal with it, however male response is more destructive. It is true that some men would make shallow decisions like cheating on their spouse by using this doctrine of necessity but I would not consider them mainstream.
There is another aspect to this inequality; nature has designed women not to deal with danger but to nurture. That is why women are socially programmed to see a world in pink with flowers and unicorns everywhere. Pakistani women only know how to be nice with friends, colleagues and acquaintances. However, their male counterparts can get an entirely different message by reading between the lines when they are being nice to them, women can resolve this misunderstanding by slight attuning themselves to it.
I agree that this inequality is not fair to women, but my thesis is that it is only there as long as to there is a male need to protect their families. As soon as the dream of Faiz is materialized, this inequality would largely diminish.
Why cant we all try getting along in Platos Republic?
Anything would be better than this Loveless Republic!
Why cant we all learn to live in Ibsens Dolls House?
If not in unison than at least in a unisex outhouse!
Why cant we break this mold and go with the flow?
Whats with this natures balance and glow?
Why cant we just live our dream and let it blow?
Anything is better than this real worlds bloke!
Why cant we just call this Oedipus complex?
And deal with our own inferiority complex!
Why make a big deal of a parody of the intangible?
Of meagre understanding and observation unempirical!
Why cant we agree that the women are beautiful?
And the men are fools! What’s the problem you fool?
xxxx Filed under Humor xxxx