Adil Najam
Sometimes one is left completely speechless. And I was upon seeing this picture in the Daily Times (21 April) of a man beating his wife as their son looks on.
But the real story here is about a society that chooses to loose its speech and prefers to remain silent in the face of a wide scale menace of acute domestic violence and spousal (and familial) abuse of women.
This is not something that is restricted only to the poorest classes. Although it is often hidden behind ’sufaid poshi’ such violence against women is more common in our society than most of us would care to accept. Remember, for example, the case of former Pakistan cricket captain Moin Khan who was taken in custody after beating his wife while drunk.
I wonder what the child in this photograph will grow up thinking. I wonder how many children have grown up witnessing such scenes. I wonder what such emotional scars have done to them.
It is indeed true that such incidents of violence happen all over the world. There is no evidence at all that they happen more in Pakistan than elsewhere. In terms of reported cases they may be even less. But that is not the point. This is not a competition.
Saying that it happens everywhere or that it happens even more in other places is neither an excuse nor a consolation. One case would, in my opinion, be one too many. And there are clearly much more than one. As Pakistanis - no, as human beings - we must speak against such violence everywhere; but, first within our own society.
Honor killings in the U.S. are mostly carried out by first generation immigrants from other countries (not necessarily Muslim majority countries). The last incident involved a Palestinian who killed his daughter. Of course there are too many but let’s not skew the info: it’s not Americans who are doing it.
Domestic abuse is of course a regrettable universal. There are still too many people, men and women alike, who have no idea what a healthy loving relationship looks like.
Umar, exactly in what way are women responsible for being relegated to second class citizenry? Is it something they made a decision about? You sound like the people who used to argue that slaves brought slavery upon themselves. Disgusting.
Oh Niqabi sisters of Lal Masajid, where are you when these obscenities are being committed? Oh wait, we can’t see her face. So everything is okay. Move along folks, no blight on society here.
It is my personal experience that domestic abuse occurs among the posh classes in Pakistan as well as among the poor. The reason we see this picture as opposed to a more well to do woman is that the man lives in a tent and has no private area in which to carry out his deeds.
Observe that the son is holding a small baby. How does this make you feel?
No suprise to me at all that Jabir and Adnan immediately start making excuses and prevarications. This is a hallmark of the conservative way of thinking.
Jabir, your assertion that men are victimised by women is not borne out by any data. There is a very vocal group of men in England who have an organization and they flog the media with their claims that they are “abused” by women. However, the numbers are statistically insignificant; well over 90% of adult domestic abuse victims are women. Therefore the claims of abuse by men, while I don’t wish to belittle them, represent an anomoly and the actions of the “men’s rights advocates” speak more of a backlash against the women’s rights movement, and an attempt to weaken it by cheapening its claims, than any legitimate criticism of it. Jabir I am sure you did not mean to fall into this trap.
Adnan, pointing out that domestic abuse occurs in places other than Pakistan is a tu qoque fallacy and does nothing to address Pakistan’s problem. We aren’t talking about the U.S. or elsewhere. We are talking about Pakistan, can we not drag the big bad old U.S. into it please. If every man in the U.S. beat up his wife every day would that make it all right to do so in Pakistan? It seems to be that is what you are suggesting, however, I hope I am wrong.
Pakistan is still a place where people are private; they want to keep their family disputes quiet and they don’t go on Oprah and air their shame in front of millions of viewers. This is admirable and fine, but I think abuse should be an exception; a woman who is being misused should not be ashamed to seek help and the man should be exposed and punished.
Does anybody know what happened, if anything, after this picture was taken? Was the family approached or was any intervention attempted?
[quote comment=”44355″]Domestic violence is not confined to just physical abuse, although it is considered the worst form of it. DV also covers verbal and emotional harassment; restricting spouse’s (usually wife’s in case of Pakistan) powers to make decision about herself and from sharing general domestic decision-making; and limiting her rights and freedom. DV can be perpetuated by the partner or even in-laws and victims may include children of the relationship, in addition to a spouse.
It is a shame that perpetrators in our society are often able to get away with DV by taking shelter under social norms or misused, and sometimes misinterpreted, religious injunctions. Although the crime is rarely reported, when it is reported law enforcement bodies do not take DV seriously by tacitly accepting a husband’s “jurisdiction� in this regard. More than further legislation on the issue, social awareness is what is required. Now with the presence of the plethora of private TV channels, often liberal and socially active in their leaning, it will be easier to carry out an awareness campaign through public messages and plays.[/quote]
Agreed jayjay but for those with a religious misinterpretation of power over women, a mere liberal activism won’t suffice without being backed by religious support. Edhi Foundation does it well. Through religious awareness, its easier to change their mindset. Without this backing, such noble causes are overshadowed by westophobia.
[quote comment=”44377″]This is a critical social problem and I agree that saying that it happens in other places does not make it less painful. Does anyone know if there ae any shelters for victims of domestic violence in Pakistan. If not it would be an important step to et funding to start one. Also, journalists - specially the more socially conservative Urdu journalists need to do more. Zjan[/quote]
Edhi provides shelter but not in all branches.
Btw, please elaborate on ’socially conservative urdu journalists’. Sounds interesting…
It’s a global issue not only in Pakistan or Asia. The other day I was readin the stats of domestic violence and honor killings in US, the figure was very high and unexpected for me atleast. The thing is such news are not so visible in local US media while they are highlited more by same western media to defame Pakistan otherwise Is Hamam me sab nangay hain .
On the other hand, beating wife/women is one of violent acts which makes me feel ashamed as a man.Such people don’t deserve to be rated as “Man”.
It has to be the combination of
• awareness
• enforcement
• social support network for victims
• economic empowerment and independence of women
Video 1
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Video 4
“With no respect, you have no relationship”
Video 1
Video 2
You can’t put the message better than these video ads.