Adil Najam
Sometimes one is left completely speechless. And I was upon seeing this picture in the Daily Times (21 April) of a man beating his wife as their son looks on.
But the real story here is about a society that chooses to loose its speech and prefers to remain silent in the face of a wide scale menace of acute domestic violence and spousal (and familial) abuse of women.
This is not something that is restricted only to the poorest classes. Although it is often hidden behind ’sufaid poshi’ such violence against women is more common in our society than most of us would care to accept. Remember, for example, the case of former Pakistan cricket captain Moin Khan who was taken in custody after beating his wife while drunk.
I wonder what the child in this photograph will grow up thinking. I wonder how many children have grown up witnessing such scenes. I wonder what such emotional scars have done to them.
It is indeed true that such incidents of violence happen all over the world. There is no evidence at all that they happen more in Pakistan than elsewhere. In terms of reported cases they may be even less. But that is not the point. This is not a competition.
Saying that it happens everywhere or that it happens even more in other places is neither an excuse nor a consolation. One case would, in my opinion, be one too many. And there are clearly much more than one. As Pakistanis - no, as human beings - we must speak against such violence everywhere; but, first within our own society.
It’s also the story of a man beating his wife as the photographer (and the public) looks on. Bertrand Russell was right: There is no such thing as an innocent bystander!
True that this may be a global problem but keeping in mind the regional context of this photo and our own religious, cultural and social values which declare that women are second class citizens either explicitly or implicitly, this scenario will keep repeating regardless of social class until we stop being hypocrites in every sense of the word and stop living in denial. Whereas men are perpetrators of domestic violence mostly, responsibility of relagating women to second class status and thus getting roughed up also lies with women to some extent.
Well, the main reason is that men feel more inclined to hit because they have a sense of control over their wives. If the women were educated or in any other way not wholly dependent on their husbands for everything, their position would be a lot better.
Of course, this goes back to education….
As a society we need to become sensitive to, and consciously mobilized against, domestic violence.
In fact, we need to sensitize our society against violence as a whole.
DV is a two way lane. Many men are regularly beaten up by their wives. Should not forget their plight as well.
Reminds me of the verse from Meat Loaf’s song “Objects in the rear view mirror”
“And my fathers eyes were blank as he hit me again and again and again
I know I still believe hed never let me leave, I had to run away alone
So many threats and fears, so many wasted years before my life became my own
And though the nightmares should be over
Some of the terrors are still intact
Ill hear that ugly coarse and violent voice
And then he grabs me from behind and then he pulls me back”
The violence just never leaves … and the scars don’t heal.
This is a critical social problem and I agree that saying that it happens in other places does not make it less painful. Does anyone know if there ae any shelters for victims of domestic violence in Pakistan. If not it would be an important step to et funding to start one. Also, journalists - specially the more socially conservative Urdu journalists need to do more. Zjan
Domestic violence is not confined to just physical abuse, although it is considered the worst form of it. DV also covers verbal and emotional harassment; restricting spouse’s (usually wife’s in case of Pakistan) powers to make decision about herself and from sharing general domestic decision-making; and limiting her rights and freedom. DV can be perpetuated by the partner or even in-laws and victims may include children of the relationship, in addition to a spouse.
It is a shame that perpetrators in our society are often able to get away with DV by taking shelter under social norms or misused, and sometimes misinterpreted, religious injunctions. Although the crime is rarely reported, when it is reported law enforcement bodies do not take DV seriously by tacitly accepting a husband’s “jurisdiction� in this regard. More than further legislation on the issue, social awareness is what is required. Now with the presence of the plethora of private TV channels, often liberal and socially active in their leaning, it will be easier to carry out an awareness campaign through public messages and plays.