by Qandeel Shaam
What is patriotism but the love of the food one had as a child – Lin Yutang
There are many questions I struggle to solve – for instance, does the soul weigh 28 grams, why 72 virgins and why not just 1? Is Lichtenstein a country? Why do the Brits call private schools ‘public’, why is the green tea pink? How does Kamran Khan always manage to look like a very sad and cynical koala bear?
But there is one question that has persistently sat like a shrapnel in my mind: What does it mean to be Pakistani, what is Pakistaniat?
I’ve yo-yoed between Pakistan and Europe all my life, and with the passage of time this question has come to mystify me more and more. Moments of reflection over what your national identity is, and what it means, usually occur when you’re not in your home country. Maybe it has something to do with being labelled a “Pakistani†or feeling like an outsider, but living in the West can really intensify one’s ethnical awareness. This often results in an exaggerated sense of national identity where you see Pakistanis in the West acting more Pakistani-like than those living in Pakistan! For a brief time I was also overcome with a disposition to jingo, but then I moved to Pakistan….
Now you have to understand: for a Pakistani to move back to Pakistan after having proudly performed a stint of patriotism in the West can be quite a shocking experience. Whatever you thought was Pakistani can very quickly evaporate into the coiling miasma of confusion that shrouds our country. The contretemps first jolts and then disillusions you, because you slowly come to the realization that Pakistan is positively mired in an identity crisis.
You have the Western-wannabe’s and the religious extremist-wannabe’s. An extant grey zone that falls in between is either too small or too muted to buffer these two extremes. The Western-wannabe’s are primarily concerned with being liberal without embracing liberalism: for example, aunties who mull for hours when deciding just how deep they should let their plunging necklines plunge before it starts to look too inappropriate for a charity fundraising event to help emancipate the poor. The same aunties are also dedicated to ensuring that the only ‘liberty’ their maids ever see is a market in Lahore.
On the other hand you have the religious extremist-wannabe’s. Their narrow, retrograde interpretation of Islam creates new lines – and intensifies old ones – of demarcation based on belief, sect, creed, even beard length (!). It preaches Islamic unity but is practiced on the paradoxical premise that intolerance (even violence) against people with differing isms is condonable.
Western- and religious extremist-wannabes have their own sets of insecurities and prejudices and view everyone through such a discriminatory prism. These groups and the forces they exert deserves exclusive attention, but for the purposes of this article it is suffice to say that the dichotomy of Westernism and religious extremism in Pakistan has caused more friction between Pakistanis, propelling the drift away from a core Pakistaniat, a sense of oneness.
So when I moved back to Pakistan I found that oneness to be lacking; after years of living up to the facade of a “Pakistani†in the West I found Pakistan itself to be devoid of any such identity. I think that generally speaking Pakistanis have always had a clique mentality, but it’s augmented and intensified. So you see now multiple little groups all bopping their heads against one another.
And yet we speak of being Pakistani and Pakistaniat. We don’t just speak of it we feel it as well. When I am in Europe I again feel Pakistani. How can we feel something that doesn’t really exist?
The article opened with a quote from the Chinese writer Ling Yutang,
“What is patriotism but the love of the food one had as a childâ€
. I interpret this as memories of our childhood and the nostalgia they bring, and how it’s from these memories and nostalgia that there emanates a sense of self identity. So if I’m in Europe and eating samosa chaat or listening to a Pakistani song or qawali that was popular in my youth, it will almost always invoke a warm feeling of nostalgia that reminds me of where I come from. I’m not sure whether I should consider it a tragedy that the only vestiges left of the Pakistaniat I used to feel and know have become hazy reminisces, or whether I should feel glad that the feeling is not lost all together.
Photo Credits: Photos for this post are taken from flickr.com
Qandeel: thanks for this well-written post. It raises several questions and indulges in few conundrums as well that several expat Pakistanis experience.
As you have touched upon, Pakistan is not a homogenous country with a single identity, language or culture. It is therefore difficult to find the quintessential Pakistaniat whether you are at home or abroad. We may wish to celebrate this diversity and the phenomena of “multiple little groups all bopping their heads against one another”.
I am a little dismayed as to why such posts invoke extremely despondent reactions – like the comment above by a US academic who is not known for his temperate views.
Pakistan has come a long way and several posts on this very website have time and again reminded us of that. I am not na
Qandeel
there are two kinds of Pakistanis living abroad, those who
see the difference and go for their choice, others yield to
the affirmation of that polarization, you mentioned in Pak,
subsequently become victim of the same and continue knocking at the wrong door.
Back there, in Pakistan, the blind and trendy polarization
is becoming fatal to that culture, have Pakistanis decided
to get rid of their “own culture”and return to, or, be what. ??
2nd para
No, it is not nostalgia, its rather the horrible comparison between the west already victims of its own Industrial revolution, and the ” very soon to-be-the-next-victims” of terrible results. Nostalgia has different facets, sentimental,
environmental, socio-culturel but, the forced
polarization can not seduce you towards even 5 grms of
nostalgia.
Qandeel Shaam has spoken the unspoken. I myself have been struggling with this concept living in the west. I think Alien Cultures force us to reflect inwards and we then cling on to either Religion or Country of origin warmth to soothe our confusion. Either we become Wannabee Westerners or struggle for an indentity for the rest of our lives.
It is interesting to note that Iranians and Arabs don’t struggle with this concept as much as we do.
I want you all to do an experiment. If you find yourself in an elevator or any other confined situation and you happen to bump into a Pakistani. Try talking to him in Urdu ….Chances are he will talk Urdu if you are both alone in an elevator but If there is any gora guy in the elevator with you………. Chances are the guy will respond back in English.
Now why is that???
I don’t see Iranians talking English or French people talking English to one another why do Pakistani’s talk English in a social scene.
I don’t get these insecurities we have…..and yet we feel proud of Pakistaniat in the west and refuse to talk in our language. And why am I writing this in English because I don’t have any other choice I guess.
I have noticed people talking in tooti phooti english instead of urdu.
The question is that will our children feel the same way ????
Will McDeez and PapaJohns create the same feeling in them??? Will the chinese saying apply to them???
These are questions I am struggling with and any help in explaining this is appreciated :)
Another thing When I go to Pakistan I talk in English to the customs people and it helps me everytime in dealing with them. I tried Urdu once and I was in trouble.
yours confused
Awesome post Qandeel. Probably one of the best in my mind because it is so true and it connects so well with the feelings of a Pakistani expatriate.
But isn’t Pessimism a sin? Shouldn’t we always keep the hope alive and keep believing that “Consumerism” and “Education” are the ways to go?
I recently read another good article written by M. Shahid Alam which also portrayed a gloomy picture in its own way and sounded like intellectual rumblings. However, it might hold answers to some of the interesting questions you have raised.
http://www.dissidentvoice.org/2007/10/pakistans-me rcenary-elites/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excerpts from Pakistan’s Mercenary Elites
By M. Shahid Alam
” In order to stifle resistance, this dependent state methodically creates a weak, alienated, demoralized, and corrupt society. By failing to provide education, skills, and jobs, the state forces people to look outward, to turn to foreign shores for education, for jobs, and cultural inspiration. For every person who leaves for foreign shores, there are ten who are forced to stay at home, and whose education, careers, and very lives are organized around the chance of leaving the country. Pakistani society increasingly consists of would-be migrants waiting for their chance to dash out of the country
Thanks for a wonderful post Qandeel. I’m sure a lot of Pakistanis living abroad who visit their families regularly (like myself) can really relate to how you’ve felt.
By the way, I’ve learnt that its not necessary to go back home to get a dose of the harsh reality. A visit to most of our consulates/embasies abroad can give you a ‘quick fix’.