Adil Najam
As a rule, we try not to repeat posts too often. Sometimes, we feel that the message is either pertinent again or that the original may not have been seen by a new crop of readership. I am reposting this picture and this post, originally posted on this date last year, because the message is even more pertinent today than it was a year ago, and because I feel like I need to say it again.
For Pakistan, this has again been a year of struggles as well as achievements for women. It marked the assassination of Benazir Bhutto - clearly the best known Pakistani woman, whatever you think of her politics. It marked also an election that saw more women win on general seats than ever before in Pakistan. But there was more, much more, to the daily struggles and achievements of Pakistan’s 70 million women that we need to celebrate. Today, and everyday.
In the metaphor of the original post, the message is that we all are (not just women, but men too) crossing the road to better gender relations, but we ain’t there just yet. Not by a long shot. Read on, please, even if you have read it before. What follows is my original post from last year.
Today is March 8 - International Women’s Day. Today we wish to celebrate women in the fullness of what it means to be a woman in Pakistan. To celebrate their achievements (also here, here, here, here, here, here and here). And to celebrate their struggles (also here, here, here here, here, here and here).
I have thought much about how best to capture the meaning of this day. It seems to me that in many very important ways, this picture above does.
I have admired this picture by Jawad Zakariya (whose work we have featured before here and here) from the moment I first saw it at Flickr. I had been waiting, however, for the right time and the right context in which to use it. Today, I feel, IS that right time and right context.
There is both dignity and determination in the posture of this young woman as she tries to cross the road (Jail Road, Lahore). As in any good photograph, there are a thousand stories embedded in this one. The metaphor of ‘crossing the road’ is itself so very pertinent for today. So full of meaning.
For me, here is a woman who is not waiting for someone to ‘help’ her cross the road. She is not demanding any special treatment. Not waiting for assistance. Not invoking the chuvinism of the men around her. She is ready, prepared, even eager, to overcome whatever hurdles come in her way. She just wants to cross the road on her own; for people (mostly men) to get out of her way. That, ultimately, is what this day is about. It is not about seeking special treatment, special dispensations, special laws. It is about ensuring that women have what we men have always had. The ability to realize their own potentials. To rise to their own aspirations. To be able to cross the roads they wish to cross… on their own.
I don’t believe in allocating separate days of the year for things which we should be doing all round the year, and hence have always viewed the discussion about both our struggles and our achievements around the first week of March with some skepticism. Interesting to note however that Women’s Day first started out more as civil rights movement, back in 1857, when women demanded equal pay and/or working conditions amongst the rapid world industrialization and economic expansion, I guess on that level the struggle is still on going The Wimbledon for instance only equalized the prize money for the women’s title this year, and another UK- government-commissioned report just this year also concluded that women with young children suffer more discrimination at work than any other group. And that’s the situation in a developed country like the UK. It doesn’t leave one with a hole lot of hope for Pakistan, but still I guess we must hope, against the odds. But please not just on March 8th. More often. Every day. All the time.
I think putting a picture of girl without her permission is indecent attitude. It is the violation of basic right of women.
@Adil: I am always two minded about commemorating the 8th of March. On one hand, I ask myself: what’s the point in doing lip service to a cause once a year. On the other hand I am glad it gives the occasion for at least some people to really think about it. When it’s done in a sensitive manner and when there is a track record of treating the issue with respect, then it is a pleasure to see a commemoration or a reminder. Thanks for the post!
@DB9: First of all thanks for mentioning something that bothers me a lot personally. I used to want to ride a bike in Islamabad, but it was impossible or next to impossible for me to do that. I often wonder why people don’t think about simple things like that. I am glad you did.
Now for the second part of your post, I am deliberatly going to write a gentle (I hope) post, since you said that you wanted to understand and not blame anyone. I think that the problem is more complex that what you are saying. For now, I’ll base my reply on the two following points:
- Behaviours in a society are the result of both conscious and unconscious attitudes. Some actions have a large conscious component, while others have a large unconscious component.
-While the parents are directly respoonsible for their children’s education, it is society as a whole that raises kids and turns them into what they are.
I think that the way we(as a society) view women and men springs largely from unconscious attitudes. Note that I used the pronoun we (for both men and women) and talked about the way we see both men and women. I think that men and women are both taught from their earliest days how they should fit in their roles as defined by the society. Men are supposed to be strong, never show their emotions, never cry and be ready to fight physically if needed. Women should be gentle, soft spoken, caring etc. What really holds us back as individuals and then as societies is the unconscious attitudes all of us have. As much as my parents wanted me and my brother to have similar educations, I think that they still passed on some of the unconscious stuff. I know for instance that I have to battle constantly with a felling of insecurity while my brother doesn’t. I was somehow conveyed that women are more vulnerable, that they should protect themselves. My brother on the other hand struggles with the expression and awareness of emotions. Somehow, he was never really encouraged in that direction. There is a difference also between verbal learning and learning from the examples we see around ourselves. If a mother and father teach their daughter and son that women should be respected and should respect themselves, but then the next minute the father shouts at the mother for XYZ reason, the children sense her fear and his anger. The lesson they learn here is completely the opposite of what the parents were trying to inculcate in the first place. BTW, I did not invent this situation, I have seen it around me. We transmit a lot of uncounscious attitudes to our children.
I am now coming to the second point. The education of a child does not take place in a vacuum. First of all the mother is not sole person responsible for the children’s education, the father is as much responsible as her. If the mother tells him one thing and the father another, then it is not going to work. Moreover, there are aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins who all play a role in the education, either directly or by setting examples. Then the school comes in. Children compare themselves a lot with each other at school. If a boy cries then all his pals will make fun of him tell him that it is not manly to do so. If a girl dares have achne, then all her friends will say: “haw! Shadi kay waqt kia karo gi! (What will you do when you get married!)”. A lot of girls get the message that the most important thing for them is to be white skinned, no pimples etc so that they can marry well. Their intellect of course are not important. If she is deemed too much of a rebel because she wants to ride a bike, whe will be told: good girls aren’t supposed to be like that. The messages also come through TV, adds, books etc.
I agree with you when you say that mothers often don’t try to teach the values of gender respect ot their sons, but I think that this comes from perpetuating the same old patterns unconscioulsy. I think that they are to be blamed like the rest of society. But they are not to be blamed more than the rest of society (fathers, uncles, aunts, school etc). We are all, both the victims and the perpetrators of this game.
Last but not least, you were wondering about the causes for a lot of men’s attitudes. You mentioned, the lack of healthy activities and an education that doesn’t teach enough respect. I think that the problem also lies with men not being taught/allowed to deal with their emotions in healthy ways. I think this is one domain where women actually have a privilege over men. Anger, helplessness, frustration, the need for love and affection, being worried, stress, fear, sadness etc are all natural emotions. Only there are very few places where men are allowed to express them in a human way. Unfortunately for them, for women and for society, all this often comes out in the form of violence, verbal or otherwise.
yes the editorial in The News was quite good — even if i might say so myself (i didnt write it myself tho)
By the way, nice editorial in THE NEWS on this today:
http://thenews.jang.com.pk/daily_detail.asp?id=459 49
Also, the editorial in DAILY TIMES is not on this but is about this:
http://www.dailytimes.com.pk/default.asp?page=2007 38\story_8-3-2007_pg3_1
According to this, this is how the MMA and JUI celebrated the International Women’s Day. By announcing that only men can be Prime Minister and President!!! Now you know what you are up against.
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The general secretary of the Jamiat Ulema Islam (F), Maulana Abdul Ghafoor Haideri, has delivered himself of a gem of wisdom that people had forgotten: only Muslim males should be allowed to hold the offices of president and prime minister of Pakistan. He said he was preparing a proposal for the MMA Supreme Council that this point should be put in the MMA manifesto for the upcoming elections.
I really like the meaning you put into the picture. It is a good picture and your interpretation is powerful. I really like teh idea of “To be able to cross the roads they wish to cross… on their own.” So many layers of meaning there.
When I think deeper into the issue, I see a problem with our mind-set. I mean, yes today we do have women in every field, even flying fighter jets but still they cannot ride a bicycle alone on the road even in major cities. Why is that?
At preliminary analysis, you can blame the over frustrated men who dont have ways to spend their energy in anything constructive like playing tennis, gym, hiking, building train models, night clubs, dancing, ice skating, or any other hobby that normal people need n do…
So that energy is released in negative ways, this also links to other crimes, even terror.
But when I think deeper, the problems kinda comes from women too. I am not trying to blame anyone but just trying to understand. Women have the power to inject rational thinking and create an architecture of a balanced personality as a “mother”. The mothers must train the kids especially boys how to behave in an educated society. They have control until that child is young. After that the opportunity is pretty much lost. So we have to ask,are our mothers teaching correctly? are our mother educated and capable of teaching that or teaching anything for that matter? are they conscious about whats on stake here? are they taking any steps on daily basis to educate themselves so they can transfer that education accordingly or are they simply waiting for a hero to come flying some day from the skies? or they r just busy fighting over the rates of aloo, gobee while the nation is drifting away…
Plus the society as a whole must open up. Meaning we cannot talk about just women rights and try to block everything else, that will not work. I dont think women rights is the problem, I think it is the National Character that needs to be fixed and women rights is one of the things in it. The entire hudood ordinance stupidity must be wiped out and nothing should be above the law.
Thank you for recognizing this day and our struggle, our determination. Its a struggle that all right-minded men and women must fight together.